I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
