he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
