Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
