I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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