all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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