Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
