The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
