Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
