She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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