It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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