You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
