So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
