what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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