I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
