i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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