i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
