How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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