I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
