I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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