he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My breasts were aching with rage.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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