and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
operation harelip BJ is a go
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
