Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i think i have two assholes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
this will be a night to untag.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize