My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
