i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
