idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
