Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
