Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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