god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're a waste of cheezeits
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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