bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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