if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
