It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
