On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
