so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
