i permit you to call me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
