im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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