I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
