at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
