Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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