I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
