What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
