Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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