She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize