I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm like, not good at living.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
