This girl is more easily done than said...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
