sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
