omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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