The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
