i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize