Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
