OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
