Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I touched a dick in church today
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