Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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