it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
