he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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