I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
