There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
