and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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