i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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