you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
