Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
