Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
