we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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