She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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