You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
