i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
