My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
