good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
