I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
