that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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