I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
