taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
