I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
