then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
