Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
