Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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