And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
