Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
