dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i barfeds in our rink
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
