her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
