So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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