i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
