Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
