Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
