dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
