Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
