everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
