Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
