I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
