Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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