you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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