Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
