wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
