its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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