Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
