if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a hot homeless man
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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