I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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