don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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