i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
