Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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