i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
