sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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