i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I need to stop coming to work sober
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
