If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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