I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
