don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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