She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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