remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
