Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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