i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize