'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
