i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
