And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize