You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
