I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
