ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize