I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
